Insignificant (Part 5)

How much more existence must I sacrifice? How much time, how much effort do I need to achieve true results, to obtain accurate answers and lasting rewards?

I have already forsaken desire; I do not seek material or earthly things. I want to please my spirit, heal it. I want to revive my consciousness, fatally wounded by so much disillusionment in the present, so many allusions to my past, and so much doubt about the future.

I want to be static in my thoughts and, even if only for a fleeting moment, feel full, feel complete, feel like I need nothing, feel blessed. Despite always wanting to be a being of light, it seems that darkness has chosen me. It seems that this decision has never been in my hands and never will be.

This queen of the night, who has kept me constantly blind, has distorted my paths, made me believe that I have always been at the wheel, heading to places without a route back. Crossing points of no return in every moment until I become what I am:

A sad, depressed, and consequently disillusioned being, with great doses of madness and anxiety, a visionary of a future that will never be achieved. A ruined being, shipwrecked in a sea of bad decisions and opinions. A damaged being, sinking in a lake of constant failures. A being with vast scars, with great wounds both inside and outside, somewhat tangible, somewhat ethereal. With dynamism in my behavior and a heart of ice, chilled by the cold it has reached and also easily moldable. A being that lives in lust but dreams of loving…