Thrown into life

So many words and nothing comes out, the system collapses, but I take it with hospitality; the system corrupts itself, but I’m allowing it to be that way.

God is not here, perhaps It was once, but not this time. For I do not feel It, I don’t speak to It, I don’t hear It. Could it be that the gods are truly dead as our thinkers say?

We are thrown into life, thrown into existence. Obliged and with no other choice but to live. And it is that obligation of existence! that shatters my sleep and collapses my routines. And it is that obligation of existence! that proclaims to deserve something more than my simple banality, as I seek something beyond my body, beyond my status, something like an individual human being and not a social being.

The banality of a social being is not worthy of its knowledge. We have chosen mediocrity out of fear of the unknown. We prefer not to know of something beyond, but to know only the known.

Simple body! I seek to move through time. I feel so ordinary… sitting, writing, but at the same time being the only one sitting and writing in my place. At least I belong to myself, to me and my ideas, I moderate the traffic of my decisions.

We are thrown into life, thrown into existence, obliged and with no other choice but to live. And it is that obligation of existence! that breaks my dreams and collapses my ideas on the verge of incomprehension.

Within these letters, I’m submerged… In a forest, in the forest of my thoughts, as dense and as sinister as my being wants, but beware! Poor me! For as soon as I take a step outside my ideas, I find myself intimidated, I become the prey of some other hunting thought. I become the in vitro of some other poisonous ideology.

We are thrown into life, obliged to live, for at least I know what my body asks for and I see that it screams to exist! That forces me to seek sustenance moved through a fraudulent freedom instinctively seeking subsistence, trapping me in the folly of my bodily existence.

We are thrown into life, forced to exist. I exist!, it is a reality. Perhaps I must exist and nothing more. Perhaps just to exist…